I do not have a desire to be in a romantic relationship.
When I tell people this, they say “You may be called to singleness.” But I don’t think that’s the point. I think I have what all single women desire–to be free of the crave of a romantic relationship. To not be around a guy and wonder whether he would be the right fit for you. To not wonder if a guy is going to ask you out.
How did I get this way? Well, when I was a child, I was physically disgusted by romantic relationships. I never wanted to get married. (I also wanted to be a marine biologist.) When puberty hit, I immediately was keeping an eye out for guys. But as I started college, the prospects dwindled and dwindled. Soon, there were no guys who caught my eye. I decided it was over. I won’t date during college. But now, as college is ending in three semesters and I am entering the “real world,” I am reaching this conclusion:
I will not date. I will not coerce men into my mind thinking that I will like them after tricking myself. I need to work on myself before bringing another person into the picture. And honestly, it could be a long time before I am ready to date. And by that time, who knows if there even will be any men interested.
I have heard people tell me I am pretty and that “any cute guy would totally fall for you.” Let me just tell you, I don’t care what guys think of me. I don’t care if I’m attractive. I don’t care if I look good on the outside. Because it is who I am on the inside that matters.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30, ESV
I don’t want to be pursuing the Lord and then stop to find a guy. I want to be pursuing the Lord and have a guy come alongside me and then, together, we can run faster than before. I don’t want it to be any other way. I want to meet a guy at church. Or while serving the homeless. Or at Celebrate Recovery. I want to meet someone who is unashamedly passionate for the Lord more than he is for me. Because I will be the same way. I want to fully understand what it is like to fear the Lord. I want to fully know what it is like to feel God’s love. I want to be in over my head. I want to have a deeper relationship with God than with any other being in existence. Because in reality, which is more important?
The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. – Isaiah 40:8, NASB
This life is but a blink of an eye in light of eternity. So why do we focus all our attention on ~80 years? Why not focus on the eternity with the One who made the heavens and the earth?
I hope this blog post finds you well. Because you are so loved. Start believing it while you can, because it will change your life.