I Press On

I made a mistake.

I want to fester on this, on how I haven’t changed since my first junior/senior year, since any of my past best friendships.
I want to grovel in my self pity.
I want to click my heels and transport myself back to where I was this summer.

But I am better than that.
I am better than pretending I’m something I’m not.
I’m better than faking it.
My name is Anne Warke, and I am of royal descent.
I am destined to marry a king. I am destined to be myself. I am destined to defeat the enemy. I am destined to be victorious through Him. I am destined to take up my cross, my shield, and my sword and fight until the end of the world.

It is destined to happen.
And I plan on making it happen.

But.
That means giving up worldly possessions.
That means giving up worldly pursuits.
That means looking at where I am right now and questioning, “Am I doing the right thing?”
I have taken one step forward.
But can I stop myself from taking one step back?
Can I push myself to take another step forward, and another, until I am full-fledgedly running, charging into battle?

How do I do this?
How do I tactfully follow?
How do I pursue the Messiah without looking at the chaos around me?
How do I press on when the world is pressing itself into me?

But onward.
Ripping my eyes away from fruitless activities.
Locking my eyes on what truly matters in life.
Forgetting my past mistakes and remembering my future victories.

I.
Press.
On.

The goal is before me.
The cross is behind me.
I press on.
There is no stopping me now.

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